A Rant About... Facebook

To whom it may concern:

www.facebook.com

1. No, I won't join your group about you losing weight when I don't really even know you. Nor do I care to read about it in every stinkin' status you post to the point that I hide you from my feed. I don't care about how much you ran, downward dogged, swam, or biked. Got it? Awesome.
2. I don't care about how much you miss your Brocky or Pumpkin, etc. I'm sure your man loves how demasculate him in your status. Oh, I'm also sure he loves your clingy status.
3. That's great you have a new tat but really? Tinkerbell? On your shoulder blade? Let's think outside the cliche' box, shall we?
4. Make up your mind about your relationship status. You either are together or you aren't. To me, there's no such thing as "it's complicated."
5. Statuses every 5 minutes? Really? Even Twitter considers that annoying.
6. Don't complain about your missing dog when you're on Facebook all the time. Clearly you don't miss the poor thing that much if you aren't out searching your tail off for your "best friend."
7. If no one comments or likes your status, it clearly is not that "cool or neat."
8. Don't give long winded, complicated statuses either! 
9. How can you possibly be a fan of 104 different pages?! GOOD GRIEF, CHARLIE BROWN!
10. No one is interested in your drunk pictures- especially with a keg. I mean really, we're NOT in high school anymore.
11. Finally, little children... aka 15 year olds I do not know at all... don't add me as a friend. We might have gone to the same high school, but I still don't have a clue who you are!