Life's going rough right now.

Matt and I aren't together anymore. Today's day 3 of not being with him. It sucks, I'm sort of over the crying, I still have my moments every once in a while. We did it for good reason; I'm not saying that I like it. In fact I'm hoping more for us taking time apart for a while to think what he and I both want, and if we want to be together, we'll be together. That's me though, I don't know what his thought is.

He and I were literally best friends; when something happened, I texted him/called him first thing. Whether it was a test, work, saying I love you (I miss those), we texted all the time. We told each other everything. We experienced a lot of crap together too, and I think that's what really makes a couple. Last weekend though was odd for us, and we don't know why... communication was lacking to day the least.

I miss him to death. His eyes, his voice, his "reality checks", his decision making. I miss hearing "rawr, I are a t-rex and you are a lowly brontosaurus!" I miss him shoving me when I was going to sleep in my nook at 11pm. We were finding OUR favorite tv shows... it's kind of creepy, but we had a nighttime ritual. I miss him pulling me down to cuddle; my nook, it had a specific spot. It had to be the right side, not the left. I miss talking to him about his work outs, losing weight, guessing his weight when he'd weigh himself, all while I ate chips and salsa (haha). I miss his parents, they were AMAZING and hilarious, they'll be awesome parents-in-law, I wish they were mine.

Reading his blog last night was hard; I came across one from when he was at the beach back in August and he talked about how he missed me... I have to wonder if he misses me in the same way. It's hard not having someone to kiss, to hold hands with, to cuddle, to cry too.

Breakups are so painful. My manager last night said, "we old people want to be young again, we just want it without the breakups." I have to remember why we did it. If we get back together, I know what to do right, chances are I'll be over the moon from happiness. I thought he was the one, even at 19. We meshed well; we were opposites but got along great 96% of the time. :-(