Medical Mess.

I'm at a loss for words right now.

After being in such severe pain last week, and a visit to the doctor, I had ultrasounds done yesterday on my abdomen and pelvis. The doctor's office just called a little while and told me that I have what looks like a fatty liver. I have to get a whole panel of tests drawn on me first thing Monday.

I asked if this is all tied to Celiac and... it is.

So.

My life is officially 100% turned upside down. I've been in denial to myself and binging on wheat/gluten, but now not only are my intestines involved, my liver is too. I just want to cuss/cry/scream. I'm researching everything right now to the best of my ability and what's more likely to be in an obese middle-aged human is in me, a 20 year old who isn't obese at all.

Lovely. I'm going to need so many prayers and support right now, for my mentality, out look on life, frame of mind, not to mention my insides.

Better. Much Better.

Just when I thought that it was impossible to love Barnes and Noble anymore than I already do... it is possible. I just thought I'd browse and see if they had Crazy Love for giggles and grins, which they did. But it gets better. You can click on a simple button and the local store will hold it for you. Ah, now that's love for a bibliophile. So instead of paying for shipping and such, I can pick it up on my way to school. Now I can see what it's all about at Bloom.

In the meantime, I was at my favorite coffee place in the entire world  this morning (I really wish we had in a Peet's in the Dixie State though) and guess what kind of cup I got? Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown! is all I could hear. Of course, that might also be due to my siblings, who are on a Charlie Brown fest and watching that show a lot lately. There's something about Snoopy that cracks them up. I digress. So I got my joy out of my latte while trying my best to ignore the very annoying man who seems to need a lesson in keyboarding. There's something about hearing a man pound the keys (literally) with his two index fingers that is rather obnoxious when I'm trying to study the Pottery Barn catalog biology. I mean really, I wanted to tell him to chill out.

While on the topic of chilling out, I myself am trying that technique. It's... a work in progress. Like Mr. Tapper- I just took deep breaths and looked out the window for at least a few minutes each times he was getting to me. I've been trying it a lot lately. Like I said, work.in.progress.

And finally, I am leaving one of my browser tabs opened on Apple's site. I'm really in desire for a Macbook but right now, looking at the site will just have to do. I fall more in love with it everyday. Silly PCs. I 'm ready for a non-moody computer.

A break.

All I want right now is a break. I don't know why, but lately, I just... want one. I'm so burned out, I feel like the Little Train That Could. I have no inspiration for anything. No zest. Nothing. I think a combination of school, work, and Satan trying to grab a hold of me is all just taking it's toll.

I'm putting myself through counseling again to try and get a flame lit in me. I've been so angry for the last few weeks that it's starting to take it's toll on me. I've thrown my health against the wind and have been binging on wheat and gluten like you wouldn't believe. This binge resulted in massive stomach pains that sent me to the doctor on Thursday morning.

I'm burnt out on my faith. I haven't been to bible study in the past few weeks because none of it was processing in my mind and I ended up just sitting for two hours thinking about my week. The good news is that while I am totally 100% burnt out on ministry work regarding children, there's a spark in me that finally wants to read Crazy Love. Even though Satan wants to get a hold of me, I'm fighting him. I've found a church that's to my liking.

The unfortunate part of all of this is my spending habits have gone downhill. Before this twister of the past few weeks started, I was finally getting control of when I should swipe my bank card and when I shouldn't. However, it'd be nice if Target refused to admit people who are stressed out... I find myself losing control in there. Bad.

While I am very much burnt out on school, I'm excited about registering for Spring 2010 in the morning. Full time education classes, 15 hours, but I'm excited. Which is good. However, in the mean time, I really need to start thinking on a policy to write my thesis that is a two year process that Athens State is kind enough to break down for me. Not to mention my other research paper for environmental science that's about transmittable diseases.

While last year I hated Christmas time with a passion, I'm actually excited for it this year. Phew. It's a good sign when I'm excited about Target doing a full-blown Christmas section the day before Halloween. Now, in a couple weeks, it just might be a different story. But I regress.

Needless to say, I am burnt out. I want a vacation oh.so.bad. I'm going to Nashville for a day though next week that I am very much looking forward to.

Beauty Pressure

I'm preparing for my mentoring time tomorrow and this is the video that my school wants me to show the girl I work with. We're working on self-esteem and I think this can be a lesson for all of us females. It definitely makes you think twice.

HELP!

My blog needs an uplift!!!!! I'm not helping it at all whatsoever. Does anyone know anyone who could help me out?

Dose of Optimism Needed

I hate technology right now. I've spent the past 20 minutes trying to change my avatar on Disqus to no avail. It refuses to change my picture. So so annoying...

I'm avoiding homework like the plague right now.

I finally found out what Etsy is. I've been curious since Ashley's been talking about it and I LOVE it! I think some Christmas shopping will be happening there.

After lusting for the quaint shop MckMama mentioned here, I've been dying for a place like that. Turns out that a store opened up less than a mile away that has my curiosity stoked. It's called Nina's Place and I think it's time for a little exploration :)

The school I'm supposed to be doing field experience at has yet to let me know what the heck is going on. I've left two messages for the asst. principal. So either the secretary doesn't have her act together or the asst. principal doesn't have his act together. Therefore, I've emailed the coordinator at Athens State to give her a heads up.

I really need to become more optimistic. These days, I'm the one who is feeling like Paris Gellar.

Not Me! Monday

I just want you to know that I haven't been too lazy write forgotten about Not Me! Monday at all whatsoever. Nope, Not Me. Since MckMama is having a giveaway and all, I wouldn't write a Not Me for the first time in what seems like forever just to enter her NMM contest.

Saturday, I didn't want to walk out of work because I was so irritated with the world. It didn't help any when my co-worker that took an 45 minute break for one cigarette suggested to me that I go see a psychiatrist for a bipolar disorder. I did not resist telling her that just because she had it didn't mean I had it and I just said, "thanks for the suggestion, but I definitely am not bipolar. I just have a lot on my plate", smiled, and walked my big mouth self away.

I really didn't throw a pity party when I saw a girl from one of my history classes with a huge blinding 3 carat rock of a diamond on her ring finger last night. Never. I love being single so much that I would never ever feel pitiful for myself.

I totally did not apply for a job last week with Delta Airlines just for the heck of it. There's no way on earth I would do that. Ever.

I did not get mad on Friday when I read Nicholas Sparks' newest novel. I have a life and don't get too involved with storylines and who dates whom, etc. Never. Not in this lifetime.

I was not asked TWICE this week if I am expecting. Yeah. You read that right. I know I've put on some weight recently, but really people? Asking if someone is preggers when you're really not sure is a no-no. Besides, I layered my work shirt w/ a long sleeved one, so it didn't made me look... larger than normal.

Finally, I did not make a friends list on my Facebook for all the people I do not want to talk to on the chat application. I definitely did not name the group "Paris Gellars." I have to laugh at my creativity for that one.

What did y'all not do this week?