Not your typical blogisode from yours truly

This week so far has been rough. Today, I was borderline crying when doing my math homework because I just didn't understand it. Probability, word problems, and remembering formulas involving letters and numbers just doesn't click in my head. If it's all separate, yes, I can remember- but together, not a chance. I had a biology test last night that I can only hope I got higher than a C. I feel my chances are slim, though. If I have lower, most likely I will have to drop the class. Ditto on math.

Tonight, 3 different people asked the instructor if the test could be moved to Thursday. He said no. So I decided to go ahead with the test, even though I could miraculously "get a cold" and make it up later. But in my head, I thought it out. It wasn't right and I didn't want to have it hanging over my head. Press on I did, along with 12 out of 30 of my classmates. Give you a clue about the difficulties? Anyway, I had just started this horrid test when I noticed shuffling at the table across from me. The nosy self that I am was distracted right away, and I couldn't believe my eyes when these girls pulled out every.single.formula that was in the chapter. The girl behind them pulled out the "study guide" aka the exact test (answers and all) and copied that down. My friend and I were mad. Pissed is the more appropriate word to describe our emotion, actually. I didn't know what to do. My friend, however, told on them. I was sort of shocked, because normally I'm outspoken about stupid things like that. I didn't want to deal with the drama though. After I settled down (talk about a battle of the inner self) I pressed on. Thankfully, I answered every question, but that doesn't mean I answered them right. For all I know, every answer could have been wrong.

The stress of everything has built on me. I've been exhausted lately, probably because yes, I have been eating wheat so that doesn't help, but add in school, you've got a nightmare. All I kept thinking while doing my math homework was, "why isn't dad home? Why does he have to be on day 2 of a 2 week trip in CA?" I have taxes to do, I needed help with homework badly, and of course, he's gone. Unfortunately, that's what happens when he oversees things involving missiles and travels almost every week (on average). Go figure. What's funny is up until this semester, I did not want his help in anything related to math. He'd offer, I'd deny. Now when I want the help, he's gone... hmm.

I was humbled tonight by, of all people, the Duggars. You know, the people with a thousand kids? Ok, 18, but apparently they're looking to spice it up with adding more to their brood that I could possibly stand. Anyways. They were the only thing on tv tonight that looked remotely interesting, so I settled on their show. Let the guilt/humility/degrading of Lauren begin. They went to El Salvador where the average family makes less than I do per year. So 13(?) of the Duggars went down for a mission trip (they have their own youth group, think about it) and took all sorts of presents and what not to the orphans, saw the HIV victims, children who were barely clothed, and it was all so sad. I felt depressed watching it, yet greatly humbled because of what I have. Does that make sense?

I'm dreading work tomorrow. The former co-worker (did I mention her? I can't remember) is filling out paperwork tomorrow... I've repeatedly asked God to help me. Well, I asked Him to not let her get the job, but she got it... so there's something bound to happen that's supposed to happen. Again, have I mentioned I can get controlling when my life, likes, and pleasure are involved? So she has a job, my shifts will now consist of creepy customers, an annoying GM, and hearing about her existent/non-existent sex life. Do I care about her sex life? No. Will I tell her to back off? Only if she makes me mad.

Talk about a not typical blogisode, but it's what's on my heart. The next month and half will be stressful to say the least, I'm praying I pull through. Keep Stellan in y'all's minds... he's still in the hospital and not doing well. Just click here to see MckMama's update on the little guy.


Ruby said...

We've all been there Lauren, you'll get through this! Just keep pressing on since that's all we can do, that and pray. Ignore the annoyances and celebrate the happy-ances (? haha). You'll be fine, we've all been there, we all get through it! Feel better :)

(p.s this is weird leaving a comment to someone I don't even know, but I figured since I finally started a blog I should "come out of hiding")

Ashley said...

It used to make me so mad when I saw other people cheating while I worked hard to take the tests the honest way. I know school sucks but you will get through it, I promise :).

By the way, I totally know how it is to have your dad gone all the time (although its different for every person, obviously). My dad used to travel every single week as well and it can be hard.

Hang in there, feel free to vent anytime!

Hannah Noel said...

I always hated cheaters in high school. I haven't come across any in college, at least none that I can remember! At least they didn't get away with it.

Sorry you're having a hard time :(