Revelations of the Self

Life's been another snow ball lately, throwing things at me left and right. But it's going to be a ramble post, let me warn you now!

I worked like a dog this weekend it feels like. I worked Friday, Saturday, and today. I pulled an all day shift at Gymboree yesterday and got so exhausted, I shed a couple of tears in the backroom. Well, I went in at 11:45 and was mad because it was absolutely gorgeous outside and I felt gorgeous (yes, I did.) My cute yellow happy sandals do the trick, I think; but I was smart and took my Chacos for later because I knew I couldn't stand in unsupportive happy sandals for 11 hours. No siree. My dinner break comes along and I have a nutty idea to order P.F. Chang's to go. I wasn't sold on it, but seeing as everything else in Bridge Street costs and arm and a leg OR has wheat, $9 Singapore noodles were my only option. I order at 4:40. I get there at 5:10 because they've never had it ready when they say they will during previous trips. I get there and... there's no such order. I get irritated but deal with it. TG (to-go girl) puts the order in and "rushes" it. Ten minutes tops, she swears. Ahem. Fifty minutes later, after seeing people who ordered to-go after me get their order before me, I get my food. Not happy is an understatement. More like, ticked off to the point where I told every customer at Gymboree last night to not go to Chang's. Oh yes, I did. I swear.

In the midst of this chaos/peevish moment, mom texted me to say the small envelope came. I wanted to scream. My life was melting in front of me. All my plans, melting. Then, after putting the envelope to the sun and reading what's inside, she says, oh wait, they're still processing it. So this and the food situation made me cry at work. Mascara ran. It was a mess. But I calmed down. I didn't call the manager at Chang's and give him the what for and I felt better after opening my letter when I got home and reading, "Dear Lauren, your application is still waiting on the final decision and you should know by June 1st. " Yet, my pessimistic side said, "great... a week after summer classes start."

In my turmoil, I realized I'm a very pessimistic person. Somehow, I see it as half empty. Really, I swear, this is JUST donning on me. For example, my shampoo. This is the thought that went through my head Saturday morning: "man, I've already used up a 1/4 of the bottle." No kidding. Not, "hey, I have 3/4 of the bottle left." Nope.

My stubborn side is starting to reveal itself to me, too; or my blinders are coming off, not sure which. When I get something in my head, I charge forth, I go for it. Food, chocolate, new phone, chocolate, new job, Disney, a Coke, you name it, I go for it. I found out today that I'm eligible for a cell upgrade. You have no idea how much I've waited for this day. So I was set on a Blackberry Pearl. Red one, had it in my head. Sit down with my dad and he was not into it. Expensive-ish was the main reason. I looked at other phones, and after an hour, after having my hopes up, I told myself to go for the Samsung Blackjack because everyone would be happy all around, it still lets me text, it's a phone. But it was hard for me to talk myself out of it, because I had a plan in my head and the plan changed. Period; but, at least I have more color options :)

So it's been a revealing weekend for me. I'm a stubborn pessimistic woman. Wow. Go me. Don't I hate it. But. I am more in love with Kate Gosselin for the main reason following this statement: they had their "green" episode tonight, which of course, I watched. This was her statement: "we're helping the Earth, we're doing our part ... even though the Earth won't last forever and will go away sooner or later." I died laughing.