I will be the first to admit that I am not a perfect person. At all. In fact, if I knew the perfect person, I'd tell y'all. I mean in a fictitious way, I'd have to say Derek Shepard hands down, but he's a cheater and cheaters are bad in my book, not to mention that he's fictitious. But back to all seriousness.
My rant about my church seems to have struck a chord, or so I think. Not in the way that I would prefer, either.
After feeling downright victorious the other day, I still feel threatened. Sunday night I had a missed call and voicemail from the assistant pastor in charge of Sunday School and had the most serious tone saying to call him back. My stomach literally lurched. I called back Monday morning but he was away and didn't call back so I figured it wasn't serious.
Or so I thought.
He called this afternoon during my nap and left a message to call him back. I thought I'd save a few minutes and just talk to him face to face tonight at church and get it over with.
Well, he said we "needed to talk." Serious. You know, like the one you get in the middle of a parking lot one October evening and get dumped by a serious boyfriend. Sorry, that was me. But that was the tone he held. Oy. We're meeting tomorrow over coffee at 3 "to talk."
My fear is that instead of getting ditched by a boyfriend, I am getting ditched by the Sunday School committee and losing the Sunday School class I love so so so much. Do not get me wrong, I respect this man so much. He's amazing and doesn't go blabbing to others how much of a sinner you are. He knows what he's doing.
Then my mind thinks that maybe this is about parents I unintentionally ticked off on Sunday morning when I said that their daughter was talking way too much and was interrogated on why I wasn't doing something about it. Excuse me, it's not like I've worked with children for 8+ years and am an education major for Pete's sake. All I really honestly wanted to say was, "well if you were picking up your child for the past 4 Sundays and not your nine year old daughter, we would've had this conversation a month ago." Instead I had to fake a smile and say, "yes it is the same little girl she keeps talking to but today she had 6 warnings to stop talking and yet still continued to talk."
But back to my worrisome post.
I've been asked if this meaning could be about a good thing. Uh. That's a negative. I had this guy for my Bible teacher in my senior year of high school where the inside joke of the class was a "happy birthday!" Yes, we did anything to get out of class. I think we held six birthday parties in one quarter. Trust me, this was not a "happy birthday!' moment.
But then, there really is nothing I can do at all. If I've stepped on people's toes and offended others, so be it. I seem to remember writing that I refuse to back down. This is my blog, after all. But it does not mean I have a cold heart over it. To be honest, it's stressing the living daylights out of me.
Yet, amazingly, on my drive home from my Financial Peace class where we learned how to kick creditors behinds, my new favorite song by the David Crowder*Band came on. It was what I needed for my worries. It reminded me of how much God is still there no matter what happens. He is our ultimate Pastor. He is in charge of everything that is going on, even when I want to control everything so bad. He is the hurricane and I am that tree that is bent over, helpless.
Gosh I could really go for another DC*B concert right now. By the way, I highly recommend their new cd to y'all.
So just pray for me tonight, that God would lift this burden off my shoulders and that I would take this as a lesson in life.