12.27.2009

Independence

I want to know something: what is wrong with independence? According to some people, it's a bad thing. I'm not one of those girls that has to have a boyfriend around all the time. I'm very self-sufficient and happiest when I don't worry about what so-and-so is doing a what not. Explaining to others who feel that I "have to have a boyfriend" drives me up a flipping wall. That's why half the time, I don't even bother explaining it. Tome, yes, a guy can be worth it, but when I have a million other things to do, why the heck even bother?

Last night I had a frank discussion with a male friend on Facebook about it. And I ended up getting very, very mad- no, frustrated. He's one of those guys that loves to have a female around. So because he's that way, he doesn't understand my way. Grrr. He doesn't understand how I am happy being single and don't want to run to the altar the minute I graduate from college. Ummm, hello. I would like a to have a crazy life before I settle down at 22. It drives me nuts when I see people do that. I used to want to do that, until I hit reality and realized that I have the entire world before me.

So when my friend told me that he knows that I want someone around for that "comfort" I wanted to fly to his undisclosed location and tell it to his face: I'm a self-sufficient 20 year old who is a year and a half from graduation, wants to go somewhere far away that's new and exciting, travel and see the world, and not settle down until I've done my happy little dance and shaken all my dreams out.

Why is it that some people do not see it like this? Why do some people settle? Why do some people feel like they have to have somewhere around or they'll die? Why? I do not get it at all. I know the company is amazing, trust me, I know. But I have dreams and I don't want someone to come along and try to crash my party (if you know what I mean.)

But you know what really got my blood boiling? When I was told last night that I swat men away from me before they get a chance to get close. Now that, my friends, was true. My comfort zone is very different from how it was 2 years ago, let me tell you. I'm very uneasy about trusting and commitment, but that's because of things that I've experienced that were somewhat out of my control. So when a guy shows up out of the blue, keeps texting me until I answer, or gets mad because I don't feel like talking... I really do shut it down. Fast. Faster than a racecar. To me, all the above said actions throw off the clingy vibe and make me run to the hills.

So if I met an amazing man who knew how to respect when I want space, didn't bug me until I answered his 25 texts asking "why aren't you texting me?", and really honestly was stable and supportive at the same time... then we might start getting somewhere and I just might feel comfortable enough to let my guard down.

So am I the only one who has these issues? I highly doubt it. But the truth is that I have dreams that I don't want bursted. If I want them bursted, I'll do it myself. If I want a relationship, I'll just have to sit and wait because I haven't found what I want yet.

Agree or disagree?

2 comments:

Meg said...

I definitely think you have your head screwed on straight. I think that there is a happy medium and although you make it sound like you are on the opposite independence only side of the spectrum I truly think you get the middle ground and would be there if the right situation presented itself.

I, like you, are insanely independent. I own my own home, pay my own bills, take care of myself all by myself and love it; however, I cannot wait to settle down with P. Him and I have so many dreams that align with each other and neither of us would hold one another back. If one of us wants to travel then we both go, and if one of us can't we help the other person pack. It really is quite simple.

I will be 24 almost 25 when I walk down the aisle next year--I think that is a good age. I think I will have gotten to spend enough time being independent that I can trust myself to if needed take care of myself again; however, I cannot wait to settle into married life.

You will meet someone who does all this for you and more--when you do, it'll feel right. As far as your friend, whatev. I don't like when people basically tell you it's their way or the highway, let's find a middle ground people and respect one another's beliefs.

WhitneyB99 said...

Hey, I like your blog! If it needs a makeover stop by Bloggy Blog Designz. We do headers, backgrounds, buttons, signatures, navbars and more!