12.20.2008

Pearls

So today I was pondering my new friend at work. Her name, her school, etc. There was something about her- it seemed like we had a connection but we didn't know it yet. I wondered if she could be the girl that my McFormer and his buddies played volleyball with at UAH. I remember being jealous of the girl who wrote all over his facebook wall, who he talked about laughing in this way that made me irritated when he talked about her (warning sign, much?) when we were together. By golly, I think it's her. I looked her up on Facebook (just the first name, it shows who you have in common first) and her pic popped up. And it's her. I literally grunted, "will I never get away from him?"

Avoiding him has been my goal for the last week and a half. Actually, longer... more like 2 months, just hard hitting in the last week How awful is that? I've found avoiding him helps my emotional "wound" scab up and know it will eventually heal. Right? Or am I wrong? I still love him, it's undeniable. He'll always have this spot in my life and I'll love him til I die probably. But I've avoided his blog, avoided going to mutual friends' Facebook pages for the fear of seeing his name, put all things tied to him aside; listening to that Canadian that makes my heart skip, Michael Buble, is hard because I think of the night we went to his concert and Matt held me the whole time... all these things I've avoided. The worst thing is coming though- my pearls.

I love these pearls. I got them exactly a year ago today. These things are PRECIOUS to me. McFormer gave them to me last Christmas; I remember my friend spilling to me one time last November that behind my back, he and she were plotting my gift beginning in October. I eagerly anticipated the day I would get them and acted surprised. When we dated, these babies never left my ear lobes, except when I needed to shower and get dressed. That is how much I loved them. When I lost one of them one day back at McAlister's I FREAKED out. My customer felt bad and said to just take the other one off and not tell my boyfriend. I quickly replied "See that blonde behind me in the kitchen?" He said, "yes." My response, "That is my boyfriend." I got an "ouch" while telling him to have a nice day. Matt knew the minute it happened mainly because I shouted "oh no!" and Jessica said, "oh God, please don't tell me you lost the pearls" in front of Matt. So I dropped everything I was doing and hunted for the lost earring. I really did, and it was lunch rush too. I didn't want it crushed, swept up, or lost for good. I found it, thankfully, but that was the biggest heart attack. Anyway, I loved these pearls; they were my symbol of the love that was shared between Matt and I.

But... they're making my ears itch. No seriously. It happened the day he and I broke up. I didn't think anything of it, I just figured they needed to be cleaned. So I cleaned them. But the next week, they itched again. It's happened every time I've worn them. I remember playing with them in counseling one Monday when Cindy said I shouldn't be in contact with McFormer at all- and the blessed pearls were itching. I kind of stopped a second and thought... what if them itching is a sign? A sign to stop wearing them so I can move on? I mean, these are earrings for pete's sake! But they hold so much meaning that they aren't "just pearls."

So I've kept wondering... I told myself it's just in my head. But these are supposedly real pearls. Would the real gold setting make my dainty ears itch? I think not. And I know for a fact they're real... It kills me to not wear them. I'm a pearls kind of gal. They make a statement of being feminine. They're classy. I love them...

My pearls have been off my ears for 2 days now. I miss them greatly. But ears haven't itched ever since then. I'm so sad, it breaks my heart. I try to not regress thinking about it.

In other news. I'm trying a new church with Messy Jessie tomorrow morning :) we're excited about it. Work 6 hours after that... hmm.... I have a loaded week ahead of moi.

1 comment:

pam said...

I have to spend some more money on last minute gifts as well. Drives me nuts!!

Merry Christmas, Pam