wouldn't it be awesome

to put all of your emotions for one person in a box and hide it? forever? That's my wish right now. Big wish. To just shut out someone who's... hurt you, become a totally different person. I wish I could just put in a BIG box and ship it away.

I was talking to my friend last night and he said, just forget about that person. Easier said than done, that's all I have to say. I pray everyday that God would just take away the pain. That he would put me at peace and help me be ok with what's happened. Yes, I am happier, but that doesn't wipe away a year of love, fights, pain, etc. Does it help that I see that person go down a dark, twisty path? In a messed up way, yes. Because I'm not walking with that person down that path anymore.

But someday, as my Cindy says, my Gilbert will come when I least know it.

with time, it's getting clearer

grrr. I made a mistake and read McFormer's blog. Bad mistake. Bad bad bad. There's so many things I want to set straight with him, but it will be for no good at all, so why waste my time? And no, it's not the "vengeful" setting straight. It's setting facts straight and defending myself.

Moving on.

Good news/bad news. Good news in that I am exempt from my math final and two of my finals are take home. Bad news... two of my finals are take home. Yes, y'all read that right. I HATE take home tests b/c I don't take them as seriously. I never allot myself enough time to sit down and actually take my test (s). Guess I will have to make time, now won't I? But the GOOD news is that I am passing ALL my classes for once :-D SOOOO happy. I have a B in Math... a B in Biology, I think. I think I have all Bs except history... but I'm doing extra credit so I'm hoping that'll make it a C. This whole 2 jobs thing.... stressful. I went to bed at 10:45 last night and slept til 9 am today. What the heck? I have 30 hours this week + school.

I've decided to go try a different church NEXT weekend. For multiple reasons, I feel it's time to leave my current church. I still stand by what I said last week about my reasons. They're sticking, I have a good feeling about it. Where I'm gonna go... idk. That'll come in time.

I'm ready to try dating again this break. Try. There's potential, I'll leave it at that. I don't want to be picky about it at all, just want to go out and have a good time. Nothing more. If it turns into something, I won't complain. I want a man, not a boy. To me, it's not the age. It's the attitude, the personality, what they believe in. Do I like someone? yes. Will it go somewhere? unless I make a move, I doubt it.

I'm pondering going to Auburn to finish out my bachelor's degree. Note the pondering. I have a good feeling with the way school is right now that I could do it. After all, I'll have the worst classes out of the way. I love Huntsville, but I want a change. I want to go somewhere where there's people my age and a fun environment. Have I talked to my mom about it?.... no, I haven't. I will this weekend though, because there's all these reasons and I want to talk it out and see what she says. I've wanted to go to Auburn since I was a freshman in high school. I was dead set on going my junior year, but for more than one reason (due to me) it didn't work out. So it isn't a whimsical decision, it's just been on my mind for the past 4 weeks. I have a fear I won't be teaching in Alabama anyway. Apparently it's not in their funds to pay their own teachers? Wow. Unless I went private, it's looking like I'm gonna have to choose from the 49 other states to pursue my career.

I want to go on a trip. I want to just get away for a weekend or even a week and have fun. Do I know where I want to go? no. The beach, the mountains, anywhere. I'd even take a week at my mom's b.f.'s house.

Wow, this blog's random but it's ok. It's my corner and no one can/will tell me what to write/not write.

I need my "Lauren being held accountable time" again. Monday, monday, please come fast.

I obviously have too much time on my hands. Obviously. Yet, I have good news- I'm exempt from my math final!!!! I'm so happy. On top of that, this is my last lower level math class which means... my two harder math classes are right around the bend. Icky icky.

Then driving home, it's like the radio knew my good mood because Metro Station's song "Shake It" was playing. I love that song so it just added to the good mood.We'll see how long it lasts.

Meanwhile, it's time for "Friday Night Lights." I could use a good dose of Tim Riggins right now :)

This is what happens from reading a complete stranger's blog

tears. ever flowing, not stopping tears. This blog... wow. The specific one I just finished reading is- pouring out with love. A husband wrote on his wife's blog the story of them losing their child that they were anticipating. Talk about tears coming out of me. You read it and can just tell that this man is proud to have her as his wife. Just read it- have a box of tissues next to you. It's a tear jerker. The line I lost it was when the mom is standing over her child's future grave and the baby kicks her....

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/08/she-asked-me-out-on-walk.html

So last night was new line for Gymboree. Our store CANNOT fit ANYMORE clothes in the space we have. Gymboree, for some reason we don't know, sends new lines on average every 2 weeks. Yet, our sales racks are stuffed, every thing is flowing over. Seriously, we sell $2000 worth of clothes in one day. Yet, our stockroom is stuffed. The poor thing can't handle more clothes. We have a ton of summer clothes left that honestly are probably marked down to $3.00 but they're just sitting in the back. So *hint* if you guys read this and have kids, please come to Bridge Street and get some of these clothes out of our store!!!!!! I (seriously) joke with my manager we need to have our regulars sign a liability statement then come to the back and buy the stuff.

I found my Christmas wish list- 2 books actually. I want Giada de Laurentis's cookbooks. I'm a junkie for her. My sister and I will sit and watch her shows and want to make the stuff afterwards. Her pasta dishes make me go crazy for some. She makes me miss ALL 103047 Italian restaurants in Boston. Ok, maybe slight exaggeration on the amount of restaurants but it seems like it. North End of Boston... you gain calories just smelling the food. Ahh... anyways I want her cookbooks.

Second... "Multiple Bles8ings" by the infamous Gosselins. I love their show, it's TiVoed and everything so I can just plop and watch Cara, Mady, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah, and Joel. I told y'all, I love big families. And it's more fun watching just because Gymboree donates all their clothes to the kids (yes, in case any of you were wondering, they're advertisement for us) so I can get excited about that too. This week: Holiday Scotty and Petite Mademoiselle. So cute. But I was going somewhere- their story still makes me tear up. Can you imagine wanting just one more kid and getting six times what you expected? I cannot imagine.

Santa Baby

wow, so this weekend has been significant to the love life. Mind blowingly (is that a word) significant. Yes, I'm thankful for it. It's crazy how it happened. Let's just say, my door is open. WAY open. Last week I thought I was a doomed maiden. This week, oh no. It makes me happy knowing this.

Anyways, so I've always had a huge fascination with big families. Always, ever since I was 5. My best friend from Edwards was from a family of 6 and I was always at their house. Growing up an only child caused this. I want a big family. No only children, not 2. I want 4 or 5 kids. I know when my mom had just me she wanted me to have 12 kids just for her pleasure- I think it's down to 8 now :) I would flip b/c what 12 year old wants to think of having 12 kids, right? But now, 7 and a half years later... I could handle the thought of 5. I have admiration for these families- they're so dynamic. I want one. There's another reason the McFormer and I didn't work out- he wanted 2. I obviously want more than he does. Anyway, I'm going somewhere. On my friend Faith's blog , she mentioned this lady on her traffic feed. This lady's blog... is like what I want to be in 10 years. A happy mom to 4 kids who's willing to admit what goes wrong in the house instead of acting like June Cleaver. Her "Not Me Mondays" are amazing, hysterical, and good humor for those who have a rough day.

In case y'all couldn't tell... I'm bubbly again. I can't control the homelife but I can control what happens in the social and personal life. No, I'm not high on crack, I'm happy on what I can have happen in my life. My life is rough and dramatic right now... but I'm determined to be happy.

Single and ready to mingle

that's right y'all. You read it. It's true.

I am out here. Single. Oh so single.

And oh so ready to mingle.

Thank goodness for my single girlfriends :) we have a good time; flirt our way through....

I'm back. Not in the Jezebel way, of course.