Not Me! Monday

Yay for Mondays! Not only are Mondays my day off, but it's also the infamous Not Me! Monday... ok maybe not "infamous" but it sure is infamous in the network of bloggers that follow MckMama, who herself created this theraputic device :)

• Of course my week was started off great when the cocky, arrogant jerk my Biology teacher informed me that he doesn't think I want to be in his class and don't try hard enough even though I'm a "smart girl." For one, the man doesn't know me. He messed up the test. Didn't teach the stuff. You get my drift? What made manners worse was that he preached evolution like you wouldn't believe. Preached! He also told those of us who didn't agree with his views to get over it; "it's how all scientists think." Personally, I think all is a pretty broad term. Where's the Not Me part? Here it is: while sitting in this dreadful class, I did not want to tell him off for being a jerkwad, lecturing me like I'm in high school, and preaching a belief that's full of fallacies. I didn't want to ask about the monkeys, the classic question of "if we descended from the apes, why are there still apes?" Nor how a tree and I both decended from this one random cell that decided to pop up...


• I didn't get a new Vera Bradley bag. See, there's no way in heaven I'm in love with all things Vera. Keychains, purses, checkbook covers, flat iron covers, you name it. No way, not me. So, it's not like I bought this beauty for school or anything. I'm still deciding on a name for her- yes, her.


• I didn't purposely creep out a creep of a customer Thursday. See, there's this customer who is a creep (just in case y'all didn't pick up on it already) who likes to ogle body parts that will remain anonymous while he's ordering what he always gets, every time, at Jason's. I've constantly been offended (silently) by his actions, so I did not relatiate his pervertedness with the following: "Soup and salad, bowl of tomato basil?" when he was about to order his usual. His face went white; I was asked how I remembered him. Instead of saying what I did not want to say, which is, "well since you like to tell my girls what you want instead of telling my face, it's easy to remember a nasty man with fake white teeth and a fake tan like you." Smile! Instead I just informed him I have a great memory.


• Finally, I did not go stand in the nursery yesterday morning just to make sure a high maintenence lady didn't try to bring her daughter to the infant nursery to keep her child away from the thing every mother dreads- a runny nose. It's fair to say at least 3 kids in the toddler nursery had runny noses, but: each one was on antibiotics, the junk was clear, and last but not least they were fever free. When the nursery coordinator found out this happened later, she almost died. So I stood in there yesterday just to make sure they didn't show up again. Infant nursery's my territory- on a good day, there's 5 babies. We don't have the staff to watch a child that's supposed to be in the other room. So take your child (who we found out after the fact she herself was on antibiotics) to the nursery where she belongs and we'll all be happy. Man I had to bite my tongue to not say that to her. Hard. Y'all don't even know. I don't have a problem telling the assistant pastor in charge of Sunday School to remind teachers to not promote kids in the middle of the year; to ask moms to have their daughters wear shorts under the dresses if they're going to flash everyone mid-lesson, much less to put their child in the nursery where they belong. Seriously...

Ahem.

So take your little browser over to MckMama and check out not only her Not Me! but the hundreds of followers as well :)

Not Me! Monday

I wish I could express to y'all how tired and exhausted I am. I feel as if I've been in a blur all week long. To put it to you this way, my 7 hour REM cycle Saturday night felt like a one hour nap. But nevertheless, it's Monday and it's time for (drumroll please...) Not Me! Monday. Conceived by MckMama, it's a theraputic way to get things off our chest about what we didn't do.

Tuesday... I didn't go to Target and spend half a Benjamin Franklin on necessities like shaving cream, face wash, face moisturizer, etc. Also, I didn't get 3 shaving creams to be on the safe side because my brother finds humor in spreading it all over the shower. I didn't want to scream how I dislike being a girl in the midst of swiping my plastic. Oh, and how sad/good is it that I didn't know they were getting a new computer system at Target and did a double take that I was swiping the plastic, not putting it in the machine where many people prayed the machine spit the card back out? And did that paragraph make any sense?

Wednesday... In the class that I was almost late for because I crashed in bed after the elementary festivities (which, by the way, I was not exhausted because I'm an elementary education major... I live for this stuff), I didn't inch away from the creep in my CIS class slowly when he showed up. Oh and seconds before, I didn't look to the ceiling praying to God that the creep just wouldn't show up. This is the creep I almost did not backhand on Monday night when he asked if I was too good to say hi or something last Friday at his Jason's Deli on Airport. How many times does it take to get through his ghetto thick head that I didn't see him? For pete's sake!!!!

Ahem, moving on.

Thursday... ok, y'all know me well enough to know that I wouldn't write a blogisode to Shonda Rhimes, writer of Grey's Anatomy, just because I was peeved at her for what she's done to my Thursday night ritual. Seriously, people, come on!!!

Friday... oh work, how I love thee. Not. I didn't spend this day dreading the next, because the next would be Single's Awareness Day. And again, I did not go to Target. Again. Oh, but before work, since mom was using the tv to watch some workout thing, I did not go to my room to watch The Office because I needed a laugh- baby, I laughed and almost didn't spill coffee on the bed. Long live the hairball coughing Angela! That's all I have to say.

Saturday... I did not say a prayer that McFormer and his jock buddies would stay away from my territory job. No, Not me. I don't do that. But while I said this prayer in the midst of blow drying, I made sure the hair was extra hot, ditto on the makeup, just in case. Yet, I did find myself thanking Cupid for letting me be single this extraordinary Valentine's, because I saw couples unhappy, call off plans minutes before the plans were to occur, and see girls get their hearts broken (another story, another time.) No, I did not look forward to coming home to my bed and Audrey (the computer) looking forward to some rest... because 19 year old girls just don't do that on a Saturday night.

Sunday... what is known as the Day of Rest for most, it was anything but that for me. After waking up at 7am with no energy whatsoever, I taught Sunday School. Then went to work. Then went to my other place of work. I didn't want to throw fruit at my coworker when she said, "Oh Lauren, I love you and I need a favor. Would you please close for me?" Of course, I said yes... in the meantime, again, wanting to not throw fruit at her.

Anyways, it's a new week and I have the day off. Oh yes, I have.the.day.off. Ahh... coffee please.