Not Me! Monday

On this edition of NMM...

I am not about to fall asleep in the library while trying to write my research paper.

No way,  Jose.

And it's definitely not likely that I'm writing other things, like my Not Me Monday entry.

So, readers, I'll use this to my advantage: what do you think about English as a Second Language (ESL) programs in our schools? Do you agree or disagree with it?

I need a drink

Okay, my dreams have always been wacky. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I've always been this way.

• I dreamed of Jason's twice. That's one too many. Or two. The first time, I was working two positions at once. The big Bama vs. Auburn game just ended so we got slammed and were short staffed. However, that did remind me in my sleep that we have a lot of catering today. Oh joy. THEN I dreamed the second time that I was an hour late to work due to me seeing an ex, catching up, and reuniting. Um, that one woke me up for good with a fast heartbeat and wanting to scream what the heck. Sometimes, I really hate to dream about work.

• Another dream was that I visited a new church and the pastor made me stand on the stage behind him the entire time. A guy with autism sat next to me and was talking very loud. I was miserable.

• I was teaching Sunday School again with that psycho social climber Michaele Salahi that snuck into Obama's party the other night. She and I were teaching the five year olds and I got way too much pleasure pulling the rug out from underneath the woman that took over my class to begin with. Then reality snuck in and I realized I was stuck with this class forever and ever. Ugh. But I did get some pleasure out of it, at least.

Yes, I have very... strange dreams. I probably should see someone about these dreams, but some of them are far too amusing

It's time to get crackin'

Every semester, the last couple weeks are always so completely stressful for me. My three months of procrastination catches up with me and I start busting it. I also start to do things that I've put off.

For example, buying a bookshelf. For months, I've been wanting one. For some reason, when the floor of your room is what you call a bookshelf, things get crowded and stressful. So yesterday, I finally got a bookshelf. Let me say, it's nice not tripping on books. The only reason I got one was because my dad gave me his old printer and my desk had no room. Or the floor, for that matter.

Assignments. Ugh. I put off assignments, I'll admit that. So of course, when I have two Word documents opened and 5 tabs opened on my Firefox browser, my computer flips out. Not pretty for the PC or the owner, let me tell you.

The good news is that I'm grateful for having a website where I put all my assignments and lesson plans so that I don't waste paper and have to drop off multiple binders at the College of Education for when they look at my portfolio.

Procrastination at its finest, people. I'll never let my students know, though.

In Reflection

Today I finished all three days of field experience that I needed for my semester. Whew. And next semester, I'll need ten. Needless to say, I really really miss it. I loved the class I was in even if I did feel compelled to take a nap at noon. Yes, noon. They don't tell you how much energy you need when giving the schpleel on what to do, what not to do.

Anyway, even though I know that people are running the other way from their degree by now, I'm running closer to it. These kids seriously cracked me up.

Not Me! Monday

It's time again for Not me! monday! Click on MckMama's page to see what she didn't do.

Last night I totally did not tell my former manager that I liked him... a lot. I really don't feel embarrassed about it either. I just feel embarrassed about how it all came about. Oy vey...


What did y'all not do this week?

I ♥ this...

and this

Yes, he is on a very tall bike. With no helmet, by the way.

And then there was this...

and this

by this time, Faith was hyperventilating to the extreme because this is Brad Paisley. See here...

Faith Almost-Sort-of Meets Brad Paisley from Lauren Bice on Vimeo.

Of course, if it was Keith Urban who came out, I would be doing the exact same thing.

 Oh wait, I did. Along with Carrie and Reba.

I had to use Faith's pictures of these three because mine came out horrible.

Yes, it was quite the time to be had by all who participated. I'm very excited for next year though because I am so going to next year's ceremony come hell or high water. But I can wait, because we're going to Brad Paisley's concert February 5th. Oh yes..

My Heart's Been Stolen by a City... and a Mac

My heart has been stolen by Nashville. There's something about that city that just... gets me. Faith and I went there on Wednesday to get a glimpse of the rich and famous. While we were there, we also went everywhere, from Franklin to Opryland to Vanderbuilt to Green Hills to Downtown back to Franklin. It was the most fabulous time of my life. I had wonderful chances to play with my camera and discover all of its marvelous and fun settings. The only time it let me down was when we were actually at the red carpet for the CMAs, and that's understandable given that the lights were all funky.

I've never been to Opryland and it was gorgeous. I want to go back next month to see their Christmas Spectacular up close. And let me just say- that thing is huge. I thought Disney World resorts were huge... and the Grand Floridian is huge. But you'd never expect Opryland to be so... huge. Well, I didn't, at least. It was so so so so gorgeous in there.

We went to Greece. I mean, Centennial Park. The Parthenon was gorgeous and the perfect opportunity for playtime. Faith and I got some hilarious pictures such as this.. ok apparently my computer does not want to cooperate. Which leads me to Green Hills.

I. love. this. place. We went to the mall there which I love and adore. I wanted to go to the Apple Store to play with a Mac because I'm seriously going to buy a Macbook Pro in the next couple months (and yes, there is one in Huntsville, but I could mess with salespeople I'd never see again.) I've had enough with the crappy PC I have. There's no love between us anymore. We're like lovers who've lost their flame and realized that we're not meant to be together. I digress. I'm sure y'all don't want to hear about my horrible relationship with my Toshiba. So as I said, I played with a Macbook Pro, fell in love, and realized I don't have any patience in me when it comes to waiting for toys like this. I realized then that no matter how hard I try to deny that I am not like my father, I am. Depressing thought. We both love the thrill of the hunt, of having a new toy to play with that costs more than an arm and a leg... until I realized that while my dreams are possible, they aren't around in a quick snap. Again, I digress!!!! I'm a little ADD today.

Anyway. So we finished there at Apple and then attacked Cheesecake Factory. No trip to Nashville should ever go without a trip to Cheesecake Factory- or Whole Foods. And then we ventured downtown... but that's post for another time.

I seriously need to put down the p.o.s. before I throw it across the room to never have a computer again. At least until I can afford my Mac. In the meantime, this will just have to be my background.

Euphoria

Ohmygoodness. Yesterday was AMAZING times infinity. I got some great pictures and saw some of the hottest names in country music. Lady Antebellum, Carrie Underwood, Kelly Pickler, Reba McIntire, Brad Paisley, The Judds, Taylor Swift and... Keith Urban. I thought I died and went to heaven.

Unfortunately, I am on the school's computer so I don't have my pictures but you can bet that I'll put some up later today! Needless to say though, this is going to be a tradition.

Monologue (la la la)

Can I just say I love this girl?

In the Pits

If I were going to be honest with you right now, here's what I'd say: I'm really apathetic right now. Yet at the same time, I'm anxious about tomorrow. The thought of a ton of blood work is very nerve-wracking to me. The thought that I had not only one incurable disease was crazy, but my liver has no cure either. So imagine my thoughts, now.

I wish there was an easy cure for celiac. Take a pill and you're cured. If only. I wish that I really didn't have it. I wish that people understood everything that a person with celiac feels. To be honest, it feels pretty dumb to say, "oh I can't eat that, there's gluten in it." I cannot count how many blank stares that I've had when I say that. I guess that's why I gave up and have been eating a regular diet.

I won't lie, the night that I was in horrible pain a couple weeks ago, I knew what it was. There was no lying. I'd never been in that type of pain, ever. I still get those pains occasionally. I'm blessed however. My doctor has celiac and has personally looked at my ultrasound results to see everything going on. She hasn't handed them off to someone else to look at. Her nurses know that this isn't just a disease. This is a chronic disease I will have the rest of my life. There is no cure at all, whatsoever.

As more people are getting diagnosed, it's becoming more well-known, but that doesn't mean anything to me. Sounds harsh, but it's true. People who don't have it just don't get it. They don't know what it's like to have to try and catch everything. They don't have a clue as to how expensive it can be. Then there's a people who switch to the gluten-free lifestyle because they're hippies and such, so when people hear about me, they assume I'm a hippy. Wrong. In a way, these people have diluted the seriousness that should be felt towards this disease.

I'm sure I sound like I'm rambling, which I am. I just want this to go away. To make matters worse, I have so much stuff to do between now and the end of the semester, which is a little over a month away. This disease has made me apathetic. The entire past three months have made me way too apathetic.

However, the phone call from my doctor briefly, thankfully, snapped me out of it and made me realize that I am killing myself. Really, I am. I have this disease that old, obese people get (or alcoholics.) Not me. At least, I'm not supposed to have it. But I do. Which has in turn made me resentful and anxious.

What I want to do is run away. Run away from this town. From this life. From school. From work. But I can't. I want a vacation where no one will bug me. Not my thoughts, computer, phone, siblings, no one. Just me. Again, not happening anytime soon. I'm becoming such an introvert these days. I used to be an extrovert. I'm tired of running into my past. I want an outlet. I've been close to deleting my Facebook because I'm tired of seeing emo/mushy/loveydovey/pitiful/attention grabbing statuses. It's such an annoyance. But at the same time, I'm on there a lot. But I'm not even doing anything.

On top of all this, I thought the water was under the bridge with the church but I was wrong. No one was bugging me, I've been getting back on track with my relationship with God, and wham... over. My dad was told to pass me a message and to call so-and-so back. right off the bat, my reply was... no. I'm so done with that. So completely over it. Then again, I'm obviously not, because it's just making me mad again.

So if you could just pray for me to have peace tomorrow, that'd be a great start. I'll update tomorrow if I know anything, which hopefully, I will.

Love,
Lauren

Medical Mess.

I'm at a loss for words right now.

After being in such severe pain last week, and a visit to the doctor, I had ultrasounds done yesterday on my abdomen and pelvis. The doctor's office just called a little while and told me that I have what looks like a fatty liver. I have to get a whole panel of tests drawn on me first thing Monday.

I asked if this is all tied to Celiac and... it is.

So.

My life is officially 100% turned upside down. I've been in denial to myself and binging on wheat/gluten, but now not only are my intestines involved, my liver is too. I just want to cuss/cry/scream. I'm researching everything right now to the best of my ability and what's more likely to be in an obese middle-aged human is in me, a 20 year old who isn't obese at all.

Lovely. I'm going to need so many prayers and support right now, for my mentality, out look on life, frame of mind, not to mention my insides.

Better. Much Better.

Just when I thought that it was impossible to love Barnes and Noble anymore than I already do... it is possible. I just thought I'd browse and see if they had Crazy Love for giggles and grins, which they did. But it gets better. You can click on a simple button and the local store will hold it for you. Ah, now that's love for a bibliophile. So instead of paying for shipping and such, I can pick it up on my way to school. Now I can see what it's all about at Bloom.

In the meantime, I was at my favorite coffee place in the entire world  this morning (I really wish we had in a Peet's in the Dixie State though) and guess what kind of cup I got? Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown! is all I could hear. Of course, that might also be due to my siblings, who are on a Charlie Brown fest and watching that show a lot lately. There's something about Snoopy that cracks them up. I digress. So I got my joy out of my latte while trying my best to ignore the very annoying man who seems to need a lesson in keyboarding. There's something about hearing a man pound the keys (literally) with his two index fingers that is rather obnoxious when I'm trying to study the Pottery Barn catalog biology. I mean really, I wanted to tell him to chill out.

While on the topic of chilling out, I myself am trying that technique. It's... a work in progress. Like Mr. Tapper- I just took deep breaths and looked out the window for at least a few minutes each times he was getting to me. I've been trying it a lot lately. Like I said, work.in.progress.

And finally, I am leaving one of my browser tabs opened on Apple's site. I'm really in desire for a Macbook but right now, looking at the site will just have to do. I fall more in love with it everyday. Silly PCs. I 'm ready for a non-moody computer.

A break.

All I want right now is a break. I don't know why, but lately, I just... want one. I'm so burned out, I feel like the Little Train That Could. I have no inspiration for anything. No zest. Nothing. I think a combination of school, work, and Satan trying to grab a hold of me is all just taking it's toll.

I'm putting myself through counseling again to try and get a flame lit in me. I've been so angry for the last few weeks that it's starting to take it's toll on me. I've thrown my health against the wind and have been binging on wheat and gluten like you wouldn't believe. This binge resulted in massive stomach pains that sent me to the doctor on Thursday morning.

I'm burnt out on my faith. I haven't been to bible study in the past few weeks because none of it was processing in my mind and I ended up just sitting for two hours thinking about my week. The good news is that while I am totally 100% burnt out on ministry work regarding children, there's a spark in me that finally wants to read Crazy Love. Even though Satan wants to get a hold of me, I'm fighting him. I've found a church that's to my liking.

The unfortunate part of all of this is my spending habits have gone downhill. Before this twister of the past few weeks started, I was finally getting control of when I should swipe my bank card and when I shouldn't. However, it'd be nice if Target refused to admit people who are stressed out... I find myself losing control in there. Bad.

While I am very much burnt out on school, I'm excited about registering for Spring 2010 in the morning. Full time education classes, 15 hours, but I'm excited. Which is good. However, in the mean time, I really need to start thinking on a policy to write my thesis that is a two year process that Athens State is kind enough to break down for me. Not to mention my other research paper for environmental science that's about transmittable diseases.

While last year I hated Christmas time with a passion, I'm actually excited for it this year. Phew. It's a good sign when I'm excited about Target doing a full-blown Christmas section the day before Halloween. Now, in a couple weeks, it just might be a different story. But I regress.

Needless to say, I am burnt out. I want a vacation oh.so.bad. I'm going to Nashville for a day though next week that I am very much looking forward to.

Beauty Pressure

I'm preparing for my mentoring time tomorrow and this is the video that my school wants me to show the girl I work with. We're working on self-esteem and I think this can be a lesson for all of us females. It definitely makes you think twice.