Not Me! Monday

It's Monday already!?!? Well, I guess it's time to be brutally honest and confess what I did not do this past week.

I have not sat around all weekend (besides being at work) watching Band of Brothers with my mom and (4 year old) brother. He likes watching the "armies" (the US Army soldiers.) I mean the guys are not adorable at all and it's not like I'm not watching it just for them alone; nor am I having to constantly remind myself that this is a mini-series, not real life and that these men can be found anywhere- not just Hollywood ( I wish.) To make my "boredom" sound worth the while, the battles in Europe are really cool to watch, especially with it being WWII and all. Loved that part of World History 2 last year :) see, I'm getting educated on history, not just the not gorgeous men :) and me oh my, the scenery makes me want to go to Europe even more than before- Austria and Germany look gorgeous.

Moving on... I was not ungrateful on Christmas Eve for multiple reasons. Although, from what I've heard talking to others, it happened to everyone, not just me. I did not get irritated finding out that the receipt had to take a trip around the family in Oz before heading it's way to the rainy blue skies of Dixie Land. Therefore, I did not do my own thing, return the items, get a store credit and actually shop (trying on clothes and all) resulting in *drumroll please*... finding that I went down a size in the pants (and some shirts.) Yes, I was so happy when I saw that my normal size was too big/baggy/would fall off, etc. that I gloated while shopping. It made it a lot easier.

I did not want to crawl in a hole and die earlier this week for reasons that will be anonymous. Nor did I get so mad that I started to clean my room (that's a bad sign of frustration) while cursing the world of romance in my head. I did not count down to getting out of the Rocket City for a couple days either, deciding that this was the only solution to my frustration so I wouldn't be reminded of certain people who shall remain nameless. (talk about an anonymous paragraph!)

I did not have any restless nights due to overthinking in my sleep, dreams of people in my past, thoughts that made me shudder when I woke up. I slept like a princess and woke up early, well rested, and happy (this is where you remember this is Not Me! Monday.) These restless nights did not make me edgy, irritable, curse life in general, and make me go on the biggest hunt for chocolate. (surely this isn't PMS?)

Lastly, I did not cave into the world of solely Edward and Bella, and start to read Twilight again. No I did not. And I totally put the book down right away and didn't turn page after page of the book when no one was around to catch me. Nope, not me. I mean, vampires are a turn off... men with dark hair and brown eyes are so not my cup of coffee ;)

I hope you all have good week, blog about what you did not do last week, and have a very Happy New Year! Now, I'm off to pack for my girls' getaway!!!!!!

Little Stellan aka MckMuffin

As y'all know, I'm an avid reader of MckMama over here. Her newest bundle of joy is in the ER right now with low oxygen stats (low 80s) and a very high heartrate. MckMuffin is a little over a month old, maybe two right now. While still in utero, he was diagnosed with tachycardia. He had fluid around his heart and the impulses for his heart to beat were often mixed, sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow. It seemed that he was cured when he was born, which was an answer to many prayers.

However, as I personally read it, it seems like the fears that it would return have come true. So pray with me that this is a pessimistic thought of mine, that he is just sick, and that the doctors whose hands who hold Little Stellan's life are guided by God only and he would be healed.

Thanks.

One day...

This blog is very emotional, as a warning.

I feel like McFormer is my ghost. Everywhere I go, there he is. He's not there in person- he's there in spirit. I feel like I'm Izzie in the recent episodes of Grey's Anatomy, where Denny is her ghost.

The G.M. of Newk's came into Jason's today. He said, "Aren't you Matt's ex-girlfriend?" It was bad enough all that was in my mind at the time was the last fight we had where I said ugly things and the thought of breaking up was triggered in his brain. So seeing Millner walking in didn't help the issue-at-hand at all. Hearing that made my heart stop, made me turn cold (really, it did), and I shuddered. And all I could say was, "yeah." On the optimistic side, he asked why on earth I was at Jason's, not Newk's... I said, "because Matt's there?" He said the minute he quits, he'd hire me. Yay?

Back to the origins. Facebook is an annoyance these days, mainly because 56 of my friends are friends with him, too. So I see his name, my veins turn cold and less oxygenated than they already are. I see posts he writes at 1 am wondering "what on earth is he doing out so late?" It's a constant cycle and I feel that at times, I cannot handle it anymore. Yes, we don't talk, we haven't run into each other either, thankfully. But it feels like he's my ghost. He's in my mind constantly; I drive by Sonic and think of the time we went there for limeades on one of our first dates (after we closed McAlister's) and talked about our favorite things, firsts, how I was his first girl... I was his first at everything, looking back. I miss those days sometimes.

One day, I know in my head I won't think about him every 2 hours. I'll have a new guy, a family of my own, a job I love, a degree in education, all not necessarily in this order. But it seems like that day is a lifetime away on days like I had today.

So many books, so little time

I have my want-to-read list! It is ready for action! Hopefully (chances are low) I'll have it done before 2008's end of reign, but chances are slim... in fact, not likely at all. SO!

In 2009, it is my goal to read:

1. "Multiple Bles8ings" by Kate Gosselin
2. "Marley and Me"- I was inspired by the hysterical movie today, along with wanting a cute little puppy.
3. I don't have a #3 yet... or 4 for that matter.

Ok, so I only have 2 books on the to-read list so far. But I finished my Shoe Addicts book; the coffee/love one... not digging it, honestly. There's something about it that just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's because of the main character- an ignorant little snob who is gliding through Victorian London with daddy dearest's money? I think so!______________________________________________

In other news: Santa! Here are some pics from my new pink camera :) they're not super, my camera and I are still getting acquainted with each other. By next week, we'll be b.f.f.s!

Matthew trying out his "big kid" bike

Hannah with her brand spankin' new Barbie scooter The kids with the walkie-talkies

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Ciao ♥

18? Good grief

Being out of my Christmas blues temporarily, I found my way of dissolving the blues. Just watch a crazy t.v. show about a family with 18 kids!!!! Yes, as you know, I am an addict for these crazy shows. It's interesting to watch the shows like Jon and Kate Plus 8 (serious addict for them) or "17 and Counting" because it's a sociology experiment all on it's own! Add in a cup of coffee, and you have an instant cure :)
You learn very knowledge-able things from these shows... like, child birthing for starters. Did you know that there's a scientific explanation to diffuse the myth of no sex during pregnancy? There is, but I'll spare myself from explaining due to the EWWW! factor you! It's amazing to watch. I texted my love Jessica and told her that I never wish 18 kids upon us. I can't imagine what my body would look like (a little vanity, but that's ok.) I want 4 kids... and that wish seems like a handful to the 18 the Duggar family has. It's like... 2/9 of their family (hey I did fractions at 11:25 at night! GO ME!) Good graciousness. But hey, if it makes them happy, go them, right?

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Speaking of Jessica (not so much) only 6 days til the girls' getaway! And I have a new pink camera to tag along with me! I'm so psyched! She texted me today in the midst of my stomach pains (another story) that she was looking at our hotel's website again because she was so pumped! We're excited, can you tell? I mean, the place has complimentary Aveda hair products... enough reason right there to be excited, I think.

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Santa's come and gone for the little ones :) I was crafty and made Dad Santa a cup of coffee for the road to wherever he was headed next. There's a new bicycle for my baby brother and a Barbie scooter for my little sister waiting under the tree. Not to mention the pigeon from the Pigeon book series (these are hilarious, if you have kids, you must get them), the mouse from "If You Give a Mouse a ___" series, chocolate, books, flashlights, and what not. The best part about tonight was my brother freaking out about the big box that had the "alligator" in it. My mom thoroughly convinced M that there was an alligator in the biggest box and that it was sleeping; but if M touched the box, the gator would wake up and become very angry. So, M was freaking out when it came time to open the box. Mom opened it for him, gave us scares acting like it was trying to eat her, only for the kids to find new periscopes and a steering wheel for their playhouse. Yet M asked sadly, "where's my alligator?" The poor kid was going to name him, feed him, and walk him- he had a plan for taking care of his pet and it was diffused immediately with no alligator. I'm guessing I know what to get him for his birthday that's a month and a half away.

As Santa says in "The Night Before Christmas", "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Christmas Blues

Oh, Christmas. The one holiday I've been dreading for one reason. And that fear has happened- I'm having the "I hate being single!!!!" moments blues. No one to celebrate with except the family, who I do love and adore *sigh*

I hate it, trust me, you don't even know. Well, you might. Even with the new Vera (my purses' names), the new camera (pink, no less), the diamond studs (to replace to pearls *which I did NOT wear today [looking forward to Not Me! Monday for that]*), the clothes, gift cards, book mark, journal, you name it... it doesn't replace the big gap hole in my heart.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas :) remember the Reason for the Season, not just the loot that Santa brings ♥

Not me! Monday

It's that time again. Good ol' Monday! MckMama has me hooked on this! It's time for a little therarpy and talking about what I didn't do this week, which I really did.

Yesterday morning, I was not put back into the holiday mood by a church I was visiting. I've always been one to be in Christmas spirit, so they didn't have to pound Luke 2 into my face and sing my favorite "O Holy Night" to get me out of Ebenezer Scrooge mode. Nope not me.

And I did not spend more money on Christmas presents this week. Why go to Cracker Barrel to get stocking stuffers only to find the cutest John Deere sign for my brother? That just involves more money.... right...

I did got go dumpster diving last night to find my bosses keys; in 0 degrees wind chill, no less. The woman threw her keys into the compacting dumpster no less. Ok, I bent in there, I didn't actually go in- I had a fear of the door slamming shut, which makes the compacter turn on. Then I would be dead! Very dead! So I didn't pull out all of the trash only to make it an unsuccessful mission altogether. And I am not laughing that my manager has lost her car keys and has to get new ones, because that's just mean.

I did not spend more than 6 hours on facebook this week. By spending I mean just having it opened in a tab and googling, reading blogs about strangers, etc. So that makes me even more not guilty :D

I did not realize that after having my a/c adaptor for only a year and a half for good ol' Audrey (my computer) that I need to not drop $99.99 on a new one because my dear, saintly brother tripped over it, thus making the wires loose. I am currently not holding the wire in a certain position with a ponytail holder! And I am not getting irritated when the charge happens, then stops. Happens then stops. Good gracious.

Have a good Monday! Join the fad and blog about what you didn't do last week ;)

And this is why I'm a Republican

To all those who bash the Bushes for retreating to their ranch in beautiful Texas- your person is no better.

While all us "normal" Americans enjoy freezing weather, frozen credit cards, freezing homes, etc... it's nice to know that our President-elect is vacationing on a $9 million sea-front property. Ah, it's nice to have a future president who does what the rest of America does, isn't it.

In case y'all didn't notice- MAJOR tongue in cheek here... read it for yourself.

Ok, NOW goodnight.

TGIM

Thank goodness tomorrow is Monday. If only I had it off... I work tomorrow night again at Gymboree. But I can sleep in tomorrow morning :) and it's a not me monday and counseling day for the weak (yes, I just called myself weak.)

Big day today because.... I tried a new church, worked 8 hours, went dumpster diving for my manager's keys, and am still warming up. Brr!

Jessica and I tried the Summit today and actually liked it a lot. It's definitely not the kind of church I was personally raised it, but man, the pastor knows how to get his message across. I'll be the first to say the retail industry gets you out of the Christmas cheer before it even begins, so the sermon was what I needed to remember why we have the 25th. And no, it's not for the all day marathon of "A Christmas Story" on TNT (you know I'm right.) So I loved the church, we'll see how it turns out.

Work was long. So long. I thought it was 1:30 to 7:30 so I was late. Ugh. Then I saw it was til 8:30. Double ugh! Then when I was on break I was looking at the mall's holiday schedule and couldn't believe my eyes. We were supposed to be open until 9; so a call to the store manager later... my shift lasted 2 hours longer than I expected. I was pooped. But what capped the night off was...

Dumpster diving. Oh yeah, you read that right! I went dumpster diving. It was because my manager decided she would put her drink in the dumpster- and she threw it. Only... her car keys were in the same hand.

Tomorrow's not me monday, so I'll save more juice/the rest of the story for tomorrow! Good night!

Pearls

So today I was pondering my new friend at work. Her name, her school, etc. There was something about her- it seemed like we had a connection but we didn't know it yet. I wondered if she could be the girl that my McFormer and his buddies played volleyball with at UAH. I remember being jealous of the girl who wrote all over his facebook wall, who he talked about laughing in this way that made me irritated when he talked about her (warning sign, much?) when we were together. By golly, I think it's her. I looked her up on Facebook (just the first name, it shows who you have in common first) and her pic popped up. And it's her. I literally grunted, "will I never get away from him?"

Avoiding him has been my goal for the last week and a half. Actually, longer... more like 2 months, just hard hitting in the last week How awful is that? I've found avoiding him helps my emotional "wound" scab up and know it will eventually heal. Right? Or am I wrong? I still love him, it's undeniable. He'll always have this spot in my life and I'll love him til I die probably. But I've avoided his blog, avoided going to mutual friends' Facebook pages for the fear of seeing his name, put all things tied to him aside; listening to that Canadian that makes my heart skip, Michael Buble, is hard because I think of the night we went to his concert and Matt held me the whole time... all these things I've avoided. The worst thing is coming though- my pearls.

I love these pearls. I got them exactly a year ago today. These things are PRECIOUS to me. McFormer gave them to me last Christmas; I remember my friend spilling to me one time last November that behind my back, he and she were plotting my gift beginning in October. I eagerly anticipated the day I would get them and acted surprised. When we dated, these babies never left my ear lobes, except when I needed to shower and get dressed. That is how much I loved them. When I lost one of them one day back at McAlister's I FREAKED out. My customer felt bad and said to just take the other one off and not tell my boyfriend. I quickly replied "See that blonde behind me in the kitchen?" He said, "yes." My response, "That is my boyfriend." I got an "ouch" while telling him to have a nice day. Matt knew the minute it happened mainly because I shouted "oh no!" and Jessica said, "oh God, please don't tell me you lost the pearls" in front of Matt. So I dropped everything I was doing and hunted for the lost earring. I really did, and it was lunch rush too. I didn't want it crushed, swept up, or lost for good. I found it, thankfully, but that was the biggest heart attack. Anyway, I loved these pearls; they were my symbol of the love that was shared between Matt and I.

But... they're making my ears itch. No seriously. It happened the day he and I broke up. I didn't think anything of it, I just figured they needed to be cleaned. So I cleaned them. But the next week, they itched again. It's happened every time I've worn them. I remember playing with them in counseling one Monday when Cindy said I shouldn't be in contact with McFormer at all- and the blessed pearls were itching. I kind of stopped a second and thought... what if them itching is a sign? A sign to stop wearing them so I can move on? I mean, these are earrings for pete's sake! But they hold so much meaning that they aren't "just pearls."

So I've kept wondering... I told myself it's just in my head. But these are supposedly real pearls. Would the real gold setting make my dainty ears itch? I think not. And I know for a fact they're real... It kills me to not wear them. I'm a pearls kind of gal. They make a statement of being feminine. They're classy. I love them...

My pearls have been off my ears for 2 days now. I miss them greatly. But ears haven't itched ever since then. I'm so sad, it breaks my heart. I try to not regress thinking about it.

In other news. I'm trying a new church with Messy Jessie tomorrow morning :) we're excited about it. Work 6 hours after that... hmm.... I have a loaded week ahead of moi.

Freedom

I'm free! For a month, that is. I wish it was longer :( as of right now, my overall GPA is a 2.9 (all 5 semesters combined) so I need to bring it up next semester before applying to schools. Shoot, I have to think about applying to colleges... oh man.

So to celebrate my freedom for less than a month, I went to the library (where I owed them $21 for late book fees) and got myself 2 books. Chick books to the max, but who cares? I could learn something. So far, in "Secrets of a Shoe Addict" I've learned to not allow a man to come on to you in a Las Vegas Casino bar... or you'll be paying him $1000. You really will. Then I got "The Various Flavors of Coffee." So the coffee title caught my eye; I was little if-y on it, but hey, I can try it. So I read what it was about. Artist in London falls in love with the coffee shop owner's daughter. I'm sold.

Jessica and I met up last night and are dying for anticpating Atlanta like crazy. We went to this Christmas movie last night about a Puerto Rican family (don't remember the name) and were going crazy for the men. I think she was going more crazy (if that's possible). And she started to do Zumba with the music... Love her! But we're so excited for Atlanta. I'm working a lot this week to get money. I have work tonight, tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. My mom should be glad me having her birthday off worked out :)

10 days til the best roadtrip/girls' getaway... ah...

The Lottery

I'm done with Fall 2008 :D yes! I have a 74 right now on my Biology final which is MUCH higher than what I was expecting, to be honest. So overall, I have a B in there, I think...

I feel like I'm watching the lottery and holding my ticket praying to win those millions. I looked at my grades this morning and my math grade was in- solid B :) I then checked again 5 minutes ago and my American Literature I grade was in- a solid A :) now I get to go drive in this thick fog to work at Gymboree. Who knew I lived in San Francisco?

More on my grades to come...

Hayley's Comet

In the midst of writing note cards on nothing BUT genetics, diseases, and chromosomes I decided to take a break; so here I am :) again...

I remembered how the other day in the car, I heard a song by Shinedown that I loved. I first heard it live at Big Spring Jam and loved it because of the lyrics. But after my miserable ending to October, it really really hit home. So tonight, I iTuned it. It's better than I remember, I can't stop listening to it. It's my message on life. Lately, I've been thankful for having that awful night. Honestly, two months later, I'm so happy single.

Anyways. The biology exam didn't happen today. I never actually studied enough for it, so I'm going tomorrow right after school. Hence me writing on hundreds of notecards about things like transcription, Jacobs disease, punnet squares, F1 generations, and phenotypes tonight :) See, I remembered something! I'm just grateful for how I passed my classes. Really, that's a milestone for me. I'm happy. If I died tomorrow, I'd be happy because I passed a semester of school completely. No non-completes and what not... Yay me!

Ok, back to studying. By the way, the song's "Second Chance" in case any of you were wondering.

Missing Generation, indeed!

I just got done reading Faith's newest blogisode and let me say- it was so on par about my generation. A lot of churches in the Huntsville/Decatur are lacking in a really good college ministry. This is a town that has quite a few colleges- Alabama A&M, UAH, Oakwood, Calhoun (community college but it's still there) yet there's no church ministry that reaches out to these students specifically. So imagine my "yippiness" when Faith confronted the issue (or rather informed, since it was on TV.)

I love Westminster.I love being involved in the children's ministry, don't get me wrong. But these days, I really need to go to a church where there's a college ministry. Westminster- doesn't have that. It has youth group and 20/30s. Nothing in the middle. Someone said to try 20/30s but honestly- everyone's married, has kids, and that's not me. I'm single, 19 (20 in 6 months, 15 days but who's counting), and childless. It's really frustrating to say the least. Yeah, there's RUF and what not, but it doesn't work into my schedule- I work in the day and do school at night. So it's frustrating.

Which is why I'm glad Faith blogged about it. Maybe some churches will see if they start these ministries, they'll get a ton of students who feel they are in the "missing generation." I know more than 3 people who are looking...

Bubbly for one

I'm super happy right now (see facebook status!) It's a bubbly moment (yay!!!) because I passed ALL four classes I had this semester. A normal feat for some, but me... not so much. My 2 semesters at UAH were not as successful as this semester. So imagine my pride when I have 13 hours and pass? Yes, very happy woman. I won't know "for sure" until grades are put online, but it's a pretty much guarantee. I even corrected my history teacher on my grade- fiasco there. He was trying to say I wouldn't pass, that I'd get an F. When I heard him explain then watched him do the math, none of it worked out. So he did it again, and the grade sounded about right.

Why am I so happy I passed? Have you read/followed my entire blog? Specifically the past 4 months? That's why I'm so happy. Jessica had a theory we both laughed at- maybe being without a boyfriend actually proves to be worth while when it comes to school. Both of us had a higher grades in our semester of being single than our semesters of being taken. Yeah, good theory... :) maybe it's just cuz we're buckling down, we're sophomores now, who knows... our celebration is 2 weeks from today!!! That's right, Atlanta is 2 weeks away!

Jive Talking

So last night, I had a ton of fun catching up w/ an old friend on myspace. Z's brother, C, and I were best buds when I lived on Waterford Dr. Talking to him brought back a ton of memories. C and I had a camp in the woods, waded in the creek, got yelled at by golfers to get out of the creek so they could hit their ball, walked around the golf course, biked, etc. My absolute favorite memory, though, was walking down their driveway in the middle of summer. Now, this is a favorite memory because: 1) we were playing in the water, 2) we were cat-walking (like models), and 3) this is the best part- we were catwalking and Jive Talking. Yes, like the Bee Gees. Their mom got their dad a tape (a tape, not CD) of the "Best of the Bee Gees" and we put that tape to good use, let me tell you. That has to be my absolute favorite memory. There's a ton more, like going to the family farm way down in south Georgia, stuff like that. So it's weird now to see that they're over 6'5", in college, and stuff. Because it seems like only yesterday we were jive talking haha.

Bonaire was... indescribable. I love Georgia, as y'all have read. There's something about that state only that has my heart. Bonaire was a little po-dunk, redneck town when I lived there. It has it's swanky side, it has it's trashy side. I haven't been there in years and want to go back and see it. I don't know how it's changed; I know Warner Robins was really starting to boom when we left back in 1999. Gosh I miss that place! I need to find pictures and put it on here just so y'all can see what it was like.

I've got Georgia on my mind now. Fun times :)

They say curiosity kills a cat

But I'm no tabby. I'd love to be, but I'm not. Anyway, my curiosity's been stoked about stuff that isn't my business. Those of you reading this who know me really well- well, you know how I get. I get nosy. Very nosy. But I think this is one thing I'm staying out of... even though it's gonna kill me.

I turn in my history final tomorrow! Crap, I forgot to write a biography for extra credit. Guess I know what I'm doing first thing tomorrow before work... ratatouille. American lit final's done too.... now all I have to do is study biology and I'm done for the semester. yeehaw!

Not Me! Monday

There's a large following to MckMama's "Not Me! Monday" and I figured I might as well jump on the bandwagon. It won't be NEARLY as funny as her's since she has 5 other people in her household, but hey, I can try, right? And Faith, start doing this so I'm not the only college student jumping on the bandwagon. Thanks :) Here goes:

1. I did not put a sitetracker on my blog because my hits were high up in the sky. Oh, the things you find when you put that on your blog... people, do you not have a life? I also did not read McFormer's blog every single day this week. Nope, not me.
2. I did not blog instead of writing my research paper that was due the next day. I just wouldn't do that ;) instead, I concentrated on Hawthorne's tone and style in The Scarlet Letter and not how sad death was and telling people to stop throwing a pity party.
3. I did not get mad at my girl friend's parents for not letting us to go to Miami. That's just selfish. So instead, I made another plan- Atlanta. And I did not throw a pity party about Miami. See above.
4. I did not spend twice my budget on my brother and sister for their Christmas, resulting in me with $2 to live on for the next 3 days. Nope, not me :)
5. I did not look at myself in the mirror noticing how thin I've gotten lately everyday this week; that's conceited.
6. While admiring the thin appearance that's occuring over time, I did not eat 5 mini-butterfingers and 5 cokes in 2 days just because I needed caffeine and chocolate; it's called the red dragon, so it's ok in my book.

My Not Me! Mondays will get better, I hope. It's just better reading a blog from Minnesota than my boring Alabama one.

I've got my eyes on you

My brother is getting a southern twang. A major accent, to say the least. Not sure who has it at school, but he's definitely picked it up there. Anyway, he has started to do this thing where he says, "I've got my eyes (sounds like ayes) on you." This started after H started threatening a little boy in M's class every morning because he caused trouble constantly, so she says, "I've got my eyes on you." I find it funny. So now M says it with a major accent twang, points his fingers the way Robert DeNiro does it in "Meet the Fockers" and I die laughing every time.

Facebook Official

I'm one of those Facebook junkies. If I have a day off from work, I can almost guarantee I'm on Facebook for 2 hours or more. It's true for almost everyone else I know. So, it's no surprise these days when people call relationships or gossip "Facebook official." Our associate pastor at WPC finally got a Facebook last night, so of course, he and Susan are official married on Facebook. There's many jokes on his page about it, like "it's about time y'all got married after having 4 kids."
Any relationship isn't official until it's on Facebook. I remember the night when McFormer asked me if I just wanted to be an actual couple, not just two people dating; I, of course, thought he was joking for two hours (really, I did) but when we made it Facebook official, it sunk in. What else... oh, drama can really start when someone's relationship status pops up on your home page. Somehow, when McFormer and I ended our relationship officially- it didn't pop up on anyone's homepage. But the minute I listed myself as single a week later, woah baby... comments on it flew. A lot of "what happened?" and "why?" showed up as posts, but I was ok. I thought it was odd, but oh well.
I love Facebook, I truly do. I've had my account for 2 years as of next month. Crazy, huh? And people I've known for 2 years are just joining... weird.

In other news...

I've been so lazy today. Not too lazy, I've actually done stuff, but I feel lazy because I had today off at both jobs :) I like it though, I miss free Saturdays. If I didn't spend every penny I had yesterday Christmas shopping, I would go out tonight, but oh well.
I still can't wait for Atlanta. The more I read about "Midtown" the more excited I get. But apparently our hotel is popular with those living an alternative lifestyle. LOL, the first thing I thought was, "oh my... people are going to think Jessica and I are lesbians." Second was, "how am I gonna get Jessica through the lobby without her staring?" I love that girl, she makes me laugh so hard. I guess living in the North accustomed me to seeing gay couples; although, seeing the transsexual knitting club at Barnes and Noble Monday night was an experience. No joke, I could not stop listening to what they talked about. What was REALLY gross was when a man woman pulled out the goodies in their Victoria's Secret bag. Jessica's and my eyes got HUGE; I was waiting on them to kill us. So flipping gross. No experience in Boston ever prepared me for that. I shiver thinking about it. Ick ick ick.

But Midtown Atlanta looks like so much fun! I can't wait. I have a feeling I won't want to leave it. I was a little intimidated when I read the reviews of the hotel after I made the reservations (dumb me) but I think it's all about who writes it. I mean, that's just me. But it looks so much fun, there's a subway, so I won't have to drive. So much shopping to do, outfit planning to do. I keep forgetting about Christmas with this trip coming. I'm bad.

Everyone's doing it

Many people can't figure out why my generation has so much emotional baggage: here's why. I've been noticing a lot lately that my facebook/myspace is covered with "lose weight" ads then has this stick thin girl with muscle and all looking at you. What's really creepy is the whole fact that is has for the title "19 and overweight?" How do they access my info for that? It's on myspace too. I can guarantee my mom's facebook and myspace doesn't have that title (maybe it is, idk.) Guarantee it.

Why do people do this? I won't lie, I'm not the perfect girl, but I'm coming to like the way I am... I'm getting thinner as I grow older slowly but surely. My jeans are loose (yay!) but it could be cuz I rarely eat as much these days and run around like a mad goose. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah-

My point is this. Even the new acai berry diet trend... eh. I love berries but just because Oprah (who, if y'all have heard, has gone back to her normal size) does it, doesn't mean I'm gonna do it; besides, she endorsed that Democrat who's taking over the world- yes, politics are getting in the way of my judgment but that's a WHOLE other ball field. But do I honestly want to eat, blend, drink a berry just to lose 5 pounds? No, I don't. Why? I love carbs, sugar, etc. too much to do that. Granted, I do have salads and what not but overall... just moderate it people. And quit putting playboy models on my Facebook.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Desperate Much?

I was reading Fox News Online this morning and saw this article about a Canadian man who built a robot and made it his woman. I, honestly, got mad reading it. I'm not a feminist, but honestly, building a robot to have the "perfect obedient" woman. Get real!!!!... no wonder you men think women are "fickle." We hear you say something like being "perfect and obedient" and we're saying "peace out!"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,465844,00.html

Happy 2009, y'all

Ok, so I know... Atlanta's not very "southern" like Macon, but you know what? I'm going to my state. My favorite state of all the states I've been to.

Jessica and I decided (after the nixing of Miami, *sigh*) to hit up either Nashville or Atlanta... we decided EVERYONE in North Alabama's probably going North. So why not mix OUR lives up and go... East???? Hmmm... so we're staying in a cute, feminine, Eurpoean style hotel. We're gonna shop and love the single life. Oh, and adore being in a city where you won't run into your 5th removed cousin. I cannot wait. At all. Southern boys... the Peach Drop... ah, it's a perfect girls' getaway :)

It'll be celebratory too :) I'm passing my classes. Every single one. And will hopefully have all Bs on that transcript. Yeah baby.

Death

You know how I said my whining in this blog is stupid? I have good reason. Last night, while writing my paper, I was checking facebook and saw possibly the worst status. Someone who was in my precalculus class at Westminster was helping his mom prepare for her death. Can you imagine? I instantly felt guilt for whining about this dumb paper, about not getting to go to Miami. I could be planning my mother's funeral.

I emailed his sister, who I graduated with, and there is nothing the doctors can do for their mom's cancer. They called hospice last night to make her comfortable and that's all they can do. Their mom has 3 weeks according to the doctor if she regresses like she is at the moment. I cannot imagine, it makes me very sad.

So this holiday season, while you whine about the rain, a bad grade, a fight with a signifcant other, think twice like I am. You could be planning a loved one's funeral.

My Wish

So, this is completely random... go figure. But on my way home tonight I heard MY song. Like, my life's theme song. If I had one this would be it. Whether it's to my McFormer, my siblings who I love so much, my parents, my friends who really love and am grateful for, my future husband who I don't know/may know, anyone I come in contact with, it's THIS song. I'm not a country girl, it was my last resort to tunage tonight driving home in the rain, and I'm glad I tuned in.

"My Wish" by Rascal Flatts

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you wanna go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.

But more than anything, more than anything...

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you,

and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And always give more than you take.

But more than anything,
yeah, more than anything...

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish (my wish, for you).

This is my wish (my wish, for you)

I hope you know somebody loves you (my wish, for you).

May all your dreams stay big (my wish, for you).

Fever

Research papers just suck. Haha. I've been googling, searching my library online for something on Hawthorne's literary aspects in his writings, specifically The Scarlet Letter. I've having a tough time deciphering what to use, what not to use. Oh, and having free essay websites pop up is about to make me scream. It's like, "stop tempting me! Give the good stuff!!!!!!!!" Then there's all these .com websites. I can't tell you how many times Mrs. Witvoet from my 10th grade english class grilled into my head to use .org, .gov or .edu websites- they're ten times more reliable (taught my mom that fact this morning.) So it's very, oh so very, frustrating. I just got off the phone with Jason's telling them that I need them to find someone else to work my shift tomorrow to give me 5 extra hours to work on this darned thing. School first, work second.

This is what you get for procrastinating. Don't do it, boys and girls. Just don't do it. I'm thinking about having a party when I get this done and over with.

So I don't like research papers, it's officially official. The stress of it mounted on my normal stress just doesn't make a good combo. I've wondered lately if I'm depressed. I have no joy in the normal things that I would enjoy. I'm more apathetic to schoolwork, more than I normally am; in my mind, if it's not done, it's not done, but at the same time, I pushing myself to make it through to Friday. Everyday I fight the battle of making it to the moment I can lay in bed and forget my fights with life.

Reading this, thinking about what I've blogged lately, none of it is "happy." It's more depressing than ever. It gets more and more depressing every time I blog. Yet, people keep reading it. Why? Why people? Surely there's nothing that people want to read from a 19 year old going through my life's trials that I despise every second.

My blog is my outsource. I put all emotions and feelings on here. It's really theraputic for me. Could I put my thoughts in a journal where it's private? Yes, I could. But it's more meaningful to me to put it on here. Plus, chances are I'm on my computer so I can type away. Whereas having a journal nearby... no. My mom reads it to see what's going on in her daughter's head, I know that much. A friend, to check up on me. My family... yes, I know you guys read this and I don't know why. But I still speak my mind here. I find comfort reading stranger's blogs who are going through life's troubles, too. Everytime I see sadness and grief in a blog I think, "Thank goodness I'm not the only one finding pain in life and screaming 'why God? Why?'" I sympathize with people who I don't even know. Their blogs are a thousand times worse than mine, but I whine about having no rock in my life anymore? It's messed up.

I'm giving my love life to God. It's one less stress to deal with. I always thought the people who would say that were so... naive. But it's the truth. I sat in the library tonight with McFormer. He was across the room yet at the same time, I kept waiting for one of us to say something. Neither of us did. Maturity or stupidity? you decide. But it's true. In my quiet time with God (blow drying my hair and/or driving is my talk time with Him) I asked myself, what am I stressing it for? I'm only 19. If I was 30, I could understand the freak out. But I'm 19, there's plenty more fish in the sea. Plenty. Mr. Right might not be with me, as much as I wish he were on this stormy night, but I have hope he'll come around someday.

Why me!?

That's all I can ask. Why? Why does it have to be my life that always goes wrong?

Things in my house are going to get way more dramatic because of the honesty I said. Details won't be shared, but it's only going to get uglier. I blame myself for what will happen. I hate myself for it.

As a result, Miami most likely will not happen. Of course, it figures Jessica and I figured out where to stay, where to go, the transportation pass to get, etc, 2 hours before this all happened.

tomorrow is monday...

and do I need it. My day off from life is what I like to call it. No work, just school and counseling. I need my counseling... I'm in the "ugh" mood on my life. I miss certain people and wish things didn't go so SOUTH with them. I'm full of questions, like "why did I say that? Why did I do that? What was I thinking?" But at the same time, that's how you learn, right? You see the real side of each other when those things happen.

I don't know why, but I'm exhausted but WIDE awake at the same time. I fell asleep putting my siblings to bed earlier so I'm looking at the "ceiling" aka the computer screen, right now. I'm thinking about Miami A LOT. If it'll be worth it, praying that my dad lets me use his points to fly down there and get a hotel room. Jessica and I cannot stop talking about it at all. We've been making jokes about putting down our self-defenses long enough to get through security and how it's going to be OH SO MUCH FUN. Haha, I can see it now. Two petite white girls walking the streets/beaches of Miami alone. God, keep us safe. I just hope and pray this G.W.O. (girls week off) happens. Thankfully, my mom is advocating this girls' week of fun, so she's pushing for the points. I mean, I have NEVER been that far south in the USA. I'm practically going to another country. I'm excited, as y'all have read :)

Huh? Bear Grylls got injured?

It's true! The man of all men, the beast of all beasts, adventurer of all adventurers is injured??!??!? So injured he had to go to an actual hospital and stop shooting his manliness???? It's a shocker! He might gross me out eating LIVE (so live it's still wiggling) fish, but still... the poor guy. I'm sad for him. He's hot, I'm not gonna lie. There's something attractive about him... minus the drinking his own urine in the desert- that's just gross, way gross! See the story here.

In other news... the tree is up, the decorations are out. It sort of feels like Christmas now. If only there was snow on the ground, then it would really feel like Christmas.

There's high chance of my best friend and I going to Miami for New Year's! It's going to be a blast and a half, I only hope it will actually work out. I mean, I get to fly let alone go sit on a beach at the end of December and get a tan... I can feel the rays soaking ine now :)

"She's come a long way since then"

These were the words my mom's/my dear and amazing friend, Susan, said about me today at our luncheon. My mom was telling a story of how she got her myspace: basically, she had a rebellious 15 year old who wanted to be bad and put herself out on the internet, so she needed to watch her baby. Gotta just love moms, right? Right. So, enter the phrase quoted in this blogisode's title: and you get me. Lauren Brittany Bice, 19 years old (19 1/2 in 25 days), not-too-recently single, grasping for a rope in life, yet still

happy at the same time.

Yes, it is true. I was quite the naughty 15 year old. Minus booze and drugs- I was too good to sink to that level. Still am... just with a couple drinks every now and then. But I was that little rebel every parent dreads- I'm not sure if it was the typical teen thing, testing the limits, being the oldest daughter, etc. It could've been all of those reasons. In fact, it was. I dated a boy mommy did not approve. I got a myspace even when the ban of "no social sites" was enforced. Secretly emailed said boy. Snuck around. I was a bad girl- testing the limits-wise. Finally, mom had enough and took away the cell phone, email, computer privileges, etc. I always swore she was a nut case who was out to get me. My then-friends agreed.

Fast forward 4 years to me now: a non-rebellious, mommy knows best (most of the time), don't put up with your crap woman. It's true. It's weird how 4 years can change someone- but I think a lot of my maturing came within the last 4 months, honestly. Why? I've had the biggest emotional and mental battle ever. I had the worst car accident I'll ever remember (yes, no injuries, but still). The next day, I discovered my father's secret he'd kept hidden very well. I ended up in counseling b/c of this secret... and live on those meetings I have every Monday at 3 pm w/ my counselor. I thought I had my rock, the person to get me through it all. I didn't, he was gone with those two words "we're done." I honestly though my world was crumbling that night he broke up with me. Jumping off a cliff and killing myself seemed like a good alternative to the heartbreak and pain I was about to endure. I cried 3 days straight. I had to literally pull myself together just to get a shower. I never felt so weak yet heavy at the same time.

Then the Thursday after the breakup, something went through me around 2 pm. I honestly thought, "What am I doing? I've cried long enough. I need to pickup and go." Sure enough, I did it. I went one day without crying... then 2... then 4.... then a week... then 2 weeks, etc. I've learned to take everyday slowly. You NEVER know what will happen in your life. Never have I ever felt God's hand on my shoulder letting me know that He is there no matter how much pain I am going/have gone through like I do now.

Sure, I have my moments when I crumble, when I give in to the pain and just want to give up. Give up on this battle I told myself that Thursday that I had to fight no matter what. I have these battles every single day. Like logging onto my computer and seeing my mom was still logged into Facebook and McFormer's page is right before my eyes. At first I thought, "ugh are you serious?!!?" But then, I was like, "you know what? so what?" The pictures he took of us are gone and not there at all anymore. Does it hurt? Oddly, not at all. My pictures I have of us have stayed b/c that's part of my history. It's part of who I am.

When my pastor told me to go to my counselor, I looked at the phone number for a solid week. My pride was high and I thought I could fight the battle. I thought I would be ok. Then something happened and I cried- who was I kidding, I could definitely not do this on my own. So I made that phone call. Boy, to this DAY I'm so glad I did. Literally, right around this time every single week, I want Monday to come fast. I call her my accountability partner. She can give me looks sometimes in the middle of my rambles on the week's events and I go, "I know... I shouldn't have ____ at all." That woman has probably saved my life, yes she probably knows it. But I'm so grateful for her. Words can't express my thanks. After all, she said I'm gonna be a kick butt wife. Ha!

So it's a new week. I don't know what's going to come my way except stress from school. In the mean time, drama could happen first thing when I wake up, at church, at home, who knows. It's gonna happen and I can't control it, no matter what.

My favorite things

It's Christmas in the Bice household. The tree is going up today :) Mom and I went out to Victoria's Cafe this morning with the ladies from church. I got to see two of my babies which was fun. After an awesome pedicure, I got some pics of Hannah being a model. Then some of my absolute favorite things about Christmas. The kids put out their boots for St. Nick who's supposed to come by and deliver either candy or coal ;)

Troublemaker at his finest.

Charlie and the boots

Starbucks's Christmas blend coffee. Best stuff

FREE Christmas candle... nothing better

Hannah in her Christmas cape

wouldn't it be awesome

to put all of your emotions for one person in a box and hide it? forever? That's my wish right now. Big wish. To just shut out someone who's... hurt you, become a totally different person. I wish I could just put in a BIG box and ship it away.

I was talking to my friend last night and he said, just forget about that person. Easier said than done, that's all I have to say. I pray everyday that God would just take away the pain. That he would put me at peace and help me be ok with what's happened. Yes, I am happier, but that doesn't wipe away a year of love, fights, pain, etc. Does it help that I see that person go down a dark, twisty path? In a messed up way, yes. Because I'm not walking with that person down that path anymore.

But someday, as my Cindy says, my Gilbert will come when I least know it.

with time, it's getting clearer

grrr. I made a mistake and read McFormer's blog. Bad mistake. Bad bad bad. There's so many things I want to set straight with him, but it will be for no good at all, so why waste my time? And no, it's not the "vengeful" setting straight. It's setting facts straight and defending myself.

Moving on.

Good news/bad news. Good news in that I am exempt from my math final and two of my finals are take home. Bad news... two of my finals are take home. Yes, y'all read that right. I HATE take home tests b/c I don't take them as seriously. I never allot myself enough time to sit down and actually take my test (s). Guess I will have to make time, now won't I? But the GOOD news is that I am passing ALL my classes for once :-D SOOOO happy. I have a B in Math... a B in Biology, I think. I think I have all Bs except history... but I'm doing extra credit so I'm hoping that'll make it a C. This whole 2 jobs thing.... stressful. I went to bed at 10:45 last night and slept til 9 am today. What the heck? I have 30 hours this week + school.

I've decided to go try a different church NEXT weekend. For multiple reasons, I feel it's time to leave my current church. I still stand by what I said last week about my reasons. They're sticking, I have a good feeling about it. Where I'm gonna go... idk. That'll come in time.

I'm ready to try dating again this break. Try. There's potential, I'll leave it at that. I don't want to be picky about it at all, just want to go out and have a good time. Nothing more. If it turns into something, I won't complain. I want a man, not a boy. To me, it's not the age. It's the attitude, the personality, what they believe in. Do I like someone? yes. Will it go somewhere? unless I make a move, I doubt it.

I'm pondering going to Auburn to finish out my bachelor's degree. Note the pondering. I have a good feeling with the way school is right now that I could do it. After all, I'll have the worst classes out of the way. I love Huntsville, but I want a change. I want to go somewhere where there's people my age and a fun environment. Have I talked to my mom about it?.... no, I haven't. I will this weekend though, because there's all these reasons and I want to talk it out and see what she says. I've wanted to go to Auburn since I was a freshman in high school. I was dead set on going my junior year, but for more than one reason (due to me) it didn't work out. So it isn't a whimsical decision, it's just been on my mind for the past 4 weeks. I have a fear I won't be teaching in Alabama anyway. Apparently it's not in their funds to pay their own teachers? Wow. Unless I went private, it's looking like I'm gonna have to choose from the 49 other states to pursue my career.

I want to go on a trip. I want to just get away for a weekend or even a week and have fun. Do I know where I want to go? no. The beach, the mountains, anywhere. I'd even take a week at my mom's b.f.'s house.

Wow, this blog's random but it's ok. It's my corner and no one can/will tell me what to write/not write.

I need my "Lauren being held accountable time" again. Monday, monday, please come fast.

I obviously have too much time on my hands. Obviously. Yet, I have good news- I'm exempt from my math final!!!! I'm so happy. On top of that, this is my last lower level math class which means... my two harder math classes are right around the bend. Icky icky.

Then driving home, it's like the radio knew my good mood because Metro Station's song "Shake It" was playing. I love that song so it just added to the good mood.We'll see how long it lasts.

Meanwhile, it's time for "Friday Night Lights." I could use a good dose of Tim Riggins right now :)

This is what happens from reading a complete stranger's blog

tears. ever flowing, not stopping tears. This blog... wow. The specific one I just finished reading is- pouring out with love. A husband wrote on his wife's blog the story of them losing their child that they were anticipating. Talk about tears coming out of me. You read it and can just tell that this man is proud to have her as his wife. Just read it- have a box of tissues next to you. It's a tear jerker. The line I lost it was when the mom is standing over her child's future grave and the baby kicks her....

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/08/she-asked-me-out-on-walk.html

So last night was new line for Gymboree. Our store CANNOT fit ANYMORE clothes in the space we have. Gymboree, for some reason we don't know, sends new lines on average every 2 weeks. Yet, our sales racks are stuffed, every thing is flowing over. Seriously, we sell $2000 worth of clothes in one day. Yet, our stockroom is stuffed. The poor thing can't handle more clothes. We have a ton of summer clothes left that honestly are probably marked down to $3.00 but they're just sitting in the back. So *hint* if you guys read this and have kids, please come to Bridge Street and get some of these clothes out of our store!!!!!! I (seriously) joke with my manager we need to have our regulars sign a liability statement then come to the back and buy the stuff.

I found my Christmas wish list- 2 books actually. I want Giada de Laurentis's cookbooks. I'm a junkie for her. My sister and I will sit and watch her shows and want to make the stuff afterwards. Her pasta dishes make me go crazy for some. She makes me miss ALL 103047 Italian restaurants in Boston. Ok, maybe slight exaggeration on the amount of restaurants but it seems like it. North End of Boston... you gain calories just smelling the food. Ahh... anyways I want her cookbooks.

Second... "Multiple Bles8ings" by the infamous Gosselins. I love their show, it's TiVoed and everything so I can just plop and watch Cara, Mady, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah, and Joel. I told y'all, I love big families. And it's more fun watching just because Gymboree donates all their clothes to the kids (yes, in case any of you were wondering, they're advertisement for us) so I can get excited about that too. This week: Holiday Scotty and Petite Mademoiselle. So cute. But I was going somewhere- their story still makes me tear up. Can you imagine wanting just one more kid and getting six times what you expected? I cannot imagine.

Santa Baby

wow, so this weekend has been significant to the love life. Mind blowingly (is that a word) significant. Yes, I'm thankful for it. It's crazy how it happened. Let's just say, my door is open. WAY open. Last week I thought I was a doomed maiden. This week, oh no. It makes me happy knowing this.

Anyways, so I've always had a huge fascination with big families. Always, ever since I was 5. My best friend from Edwards was from a family of 6 and I was always at their house. Growing up an only child caused this. I want a big family. No only children, not 2. I want 4 or 5 kids. I know when my mom had just me she wanted me to have 12 kids just for her pleasure- I think it's down to 8 now :) I would flip b/c what 12 year old wants to think of having 12 kids, right? But now, 7 and a half years later... I could handle the thought of 5. I have admiration for these families- they're so dynamic. I want one. There's another reason the McFormer and I didn't work out- he wanted 2. I obviously want more than he does. Anyway, I'm going somewhere. On my friend Faith's blog , she mentioned this lady on her traffic feed. This lady's blog... is like what I want to be in 10 years. A happy mom to 4 kids who's willing to admit what goes wrong in the house instead of acting like June Cleaver. Her "Not Me Mondays" are amazing, hysterical, and good humor for those who have a rough day.

In case y'all couldn't tell... I'm bubbly again. I can't control the homelife but I can control what happens in the social and personal life. No, I'm not high on crack, I'm happy on what I can have happen in my life. My life is rough and dramatic right now... but I'm determined to be happy.

Single and ready to mingle

that's right y'all. You read it. It's true.

I am out here. Single. Oh so single.

And oh so ready to mingle.

Thank goodness for my single girlfriends :) we have a good time; flirt our way through....

I'm back. Not in the Jezebel way, of course.